Stop Waiting. Scratch The Damn Lottery Ticket.
Let me say something straight up to you guys.
If you were born in America, relatively healthy, reasonably intelligent, and you’ve got your physical abilities…
You already hit the f***ing lottery.
You just haven’t scratched the lottery ticket. Period.
I was talking to my 16-year old son about this in Chicago after a five-hour metal concert at Soldier Field, which, by the way, he said was the best experience of his life. Big win for Dad here :-)
I told him this…
“Buddy, you’re not Paris Hilton. Nobody’s handing you anything. Everything you want out of life, you’re going to have to work for.”
But then I said something else.
“You already won the lottery. You just have to scratch the damn ticket.”
Most people don’t.
They wait. They hope. They scroll. They complain. They resent. They assume.
But they don’t scratch the damn ticket.
And this isn’t just in life, it’s in relationships too!
You see, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned, and I had to learn this the hard way, is this…
If you’re sitting around waiting for people to show up for you, you’re going to be disappointed.
And I get it. I’ve been there.
You go through something hard and you look around and think “Man… I’ve known this guy for 20 years, he calls me a brother, how hard is it to send a freaking text dude?”
But here’s the truth my mentor shared with me in 2015:
Unstated and unrealistic expectations are actually premeditated resentments.
If I’m waiting for someone to read my mind and love me the way I want to be loved, that’s on me.
Back in 2018, I made a decision.
For one full year, anytime someone entered my consciousness, I would reach out.
I didn’t overthink it all. It wasn’t something that needed some in depth analysis. I removed all the bullshit excuses we tell ourselves like, I’ll wait for the “right time.”
If I had time, I called. If I didn’t, I texted. And just kept that shit simple.
My most common text - “Hey, you popped into my head. Just wanted to say I love you.”
It radically transformed my relationships.
Why?
Because love compounds.
And most people are too uncomfortable to initiate it.
We hide behind bullshit excuses like:
“I’m busy.”
“I don’t want to bother them.”
“I’m not good at that stuff.”
“It makes me uncomfortable.”
And I found out very quickly in my internal conversations that this message kept showing up…
It’s not about you. It’s about showing up.
Because there’s a motto that I have lived by since getting sober: Choose growth over comfort.
When we had Jim Hollis on the show he talked about the three factors of change:
Insight
Courage
Endurance
Everybody loves insight and everybody wants the breakthrough!
BUT… aint nobody want the courage shit lol
So often I get these thoughts:
“I should call him.”
“I should fix that.”
“I should apologize.”
“I should take better care of myself.”
“I should start that.”
Where did that thought come from?
I don’t know. But I do know this…
When a thought moves from unconscious to conscious, it’s not random.
And the moment you feel resistance, that’s the exact moment courage is required.
Choosing growth over comfort once is easy.
Choosing it again and again?
That’s the path.
Often I think maybe I’m just wired for suffering or something. Like I have some sick and twisted relationship with going hard on growth so I can “feel” life.
It may stem from a lesson my father taught me early in life…
Go Hard on What You Can Control
(I use the Serenity Prayer as a practical tool to navigate this actually)
Here’s where powerlessness comes in.
I get clear on what I can control. Then I go violently hard on that.
Everything else?
I don’t give it energy. That’s God’s work dawg…
Timing? Not mine.
Other people’s reactions? Not mine.
Outcomes? Not mine. (Nick Saban talks a lot about how Outcomes are distractions)
But my effort? Mine.
My presence? Mine.
My discipline? Mine.
My love? Mine.
So I focus there. Like really f***ing hard.
And here’s something my friend Ron taught me which I’ve taken with me along the way…
Be wildly impatient with action that’s in your control. Be radically patient with results.
Most frustration in life is wrapped up in timing & expectations of outcomes.
“I want it now.”
“I should be further by now.”
“This should have worked by now.”
No.
Do the work. Endure. Let timing handle itself.
It sounds great in conversation yet it can be difficult in execution.
So like normal it brings me back to what our brother Jim Hollis has taught us…
Psychological and spiritual maturity is not reached by knowing more, but by enduring more.
So Endurance Is the Whole Game
That’s it.
Not reading more. Not posting more. Not talking about it more.
Enduring more.
Going into the dark. Staying in it. Returning to the path again and again.
Especially when no one sees it. Especially when it costs something. Especially when you’re tired. Now that’s character building baby!
You want a purpose-driven life?
Look at an 85-year-old man still writing manuscripts and giving talks.
He’s not sipping mai tais on a beach two hours a week.
That whole “cash out and coast” fantasy?
It’s empty.
Real fulfillment comes from scratching the damn ticket!
As always Kevin and I are grateful for lending us your eyes and ears as we lay our shit out on the line for the sake of shared learning.
As we’ve said time and time again we don’t claim to have all the answers, we’re not practicing therapists or counselors…
We’re just two guys navigating midlife in our own way, having conversation about where we’re really at…
In hopes, this opens more men up to talk about what the f*ck is really going on so…
They know they’re NOT alone.
I’d be honored if you share this with someone who needs it, and will reply to any comments or feedback you guys have.
Thanks for tuning it.
Cheers,
Joe