Lonely in a crowded room
You wake up and realize: I built a life. But did I build it as me?
There’s a quote from Carl Jung I’ve been sitting with all week:
“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself.”
Heavy, right?
Loneliness isn’t about being alone.
It’s about being unheard.
Or worse — being unknown.
Even to yourself.
You can be:
– Married
– Leading a company
– Hosting a podcast
– Sitting at dinner with people who love you
…and still feel completely isolated.
Why?
Because the part of you that actually matters isn’t making it into the room.
In our latest episode of Man in the Middle, Joe and I went into shadow work — the traits, emotions, and impulses we repress because somewhere along the line they were labeled unacceptable.
Too emotional.
Too ambitious.
Too needy.
Too angry.
Too soft.
Too much.
So we edited ourselves.
We learned to be funny instead of hurt.
Tough instead of scared.
Easygoing instead of honest.
And over time, that editing creates a quiet fracture.
You’re present… but not fully there.
That’s the loneliness Jung was pointing to.
Not a lack of contact.
A lack of congruence.
The real pain isn’t “no one understands me.”
It’s “I’m not showing what really matters.”
And midlife has a way of forcing that reckoning.
You wake up and realize:
I built a life.
But did I build it as me?
That’s the shadow conversation.
It’s uncomfortable.
It’s humbling.
It requires moral effort.
But here’s the upside:
When you integrate the parts you’ve been hiding — the anger, the grief, the ambition, the softness, the desire — you stop feeling alone even when you are alone.
Because you’re no longer divided inside.
If you’re feeling a strange kind of loneliness lately…
Even in full rooms…
Ask yourself:
What am I not saying?
Where am I editing myself?
Who actually knows what’s alive inside me right now?
That’s the work.
We went deep on this in the new episode. It’s one of our most vulnerable conversations yet.
Have a listen.
And then ask yourself the harder question.
What part of me is still in exile?
Kevin