How to step back and check-in
Don't ignore the signs that you need a minute to breathe during all this responsibility
Let’s talk about overwhelm.
Marriage… kids… running a business… finances… health… all of it at once. It’s a lot.
Men don’t voice this very often because it feels like bitching. But it adds up.
Somewhere along the way you wake up and realize you’ve become responsible for a lot of things. A business maybe. A family. People who depend on you in ways you didn’t fully grasp when you first stepped into those roles.
And responsibility has a way of crowding out reflection.
That realization is what sparked Joe and I’s conversation in this episode.
Joe brought up a line from James Hollis that explains overwhelm better than anything I’ve heard. He says “Most of our anxiety comes from the collision between our smallness and the tasks life asks of us.”
That’s a brutal sentence, because it’s true.
Life keeps asking more. More leadership. More patience. More resilience. More wisdom. And sometimes you feel small compared to the assignment.
But Hollis adds something that flips the whole thing around.
Overwhelm isn’t proof that something is wrong.
It’s evidence that something is growing.
Life is expanding the container. And if you’ve ever felt like you’re barely keeping up with that expansion… congratulations. You’re probably right on schedule.
Which led us into another strange part of getting older.
Wisdom shows up, but it doesn’t always arrive with the same urgency that drove you when you were younger.
I remembered a line from filmmaker Cameron Crowe. He was asked what kills creativity.
His answer was one word.
“Maturity.”
When you’re young, everything feels enormous. Rejection feels personal. A mistake feels catastrophic. Every opportunity feels like it might be the one that changes your life.
Which makes us bolder, braver, and more daring.
Then you live long enough to realize most things don’t matter nearly as much as you thought they did.
That realization is freeing, on one hand, on the other it can also take the edge off your curiosity and willingness to take risks.
So midlife becomes a strange balancing act. You have more perspective… but you have to work a little harder to stay curious… to stay awake to the mystery of things.
Which is where the conversation landed in a place that felt both simple and important.
Joe said, “If you’ve got three to five friends you can really talk to… you’re doing incredibly well.”
Not golf buddies.
Not people you compete with for fun
People you can say real things to.
Because men don’t build those friendships easily. We gather around activities. Work. Sports. Shared interests.
But very few places exist where men say the quiet part out loud.
“I’m overwhelmed.”
“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing next.”
“I’m trying to figure this part of life out.”
And the strange thing is, the moment one person says it, the whole room exhales. Because everyone else was thinking the same thing.
Which is why conversations like this matter.
They remind you that the pressure you feel isn’t some personal failure.
It’s the cost of growing into the next version of yourself.
And if you’re lucky, you’ve got a few people you can talk about it with along the way.
If that kind of conversation resonates with you, this episode of Man in the Middle goes deeper into it. Sometimes the most useful thing a conversation can do is remind you that you’re not the only one trying to figure this part of life out.
Kev