How to be a better friend in five seconds flat
“I was tired of seeing someone and saying ‘Man, I was just thinking of you!’”
That’s the moment that Joe made a vow, back in 2018… to never hear himself say that again to a friend.
Instead, at the very moment he thought of them, he’d pick up his phone and send a text: “Hey man. Was just thinking of you. Hope you’re doing great.” or, when applicable: “Love you, bro.”
That’s it.
Five seconds.
No agenda, or expectation for what happens next. How, or if, they respond. Just a simple expression of the thought you had.
Maybe when they read the text, they’ve just sat down for a group lunch. They smile, forget all about it, and never respond.
Totally fine.
Or, maybe, when they read the text, they’ll be sitting alone, working through some shit. Maybe even wondering if anyone in the world cares about their shit - or them. So, the five seconds you spent to share that they crossed your mind will feel like a lifeline from the divine.
Again, the outcome is beside the point. But, not sending the text ensures that they may never know you were thinking of them.
There’s also a flipside to this. And I discuss this upfront in the episode.
There were times in the first year of my separation, where I would fall into self-pity and take a short inventory of those who’d reached out, and those who hadn’t.
Not a completely random list. It was usually after learning that a person I considered a close friend had gotten together with my ex and some others, in a clear show of support to her. Which, I always felt sincerely grateful about.
But, then you can’t help but think, “Well, you sat with my ex that day, and likely discussed some of what’s happening with us, and now it’s been a week and it never occurred to you to check on your brother?”
I’ll be the first to say…
It’s unfair for me to assume anything about why they did not reach out.
It’s unlikely that they thought they should and decided not to.
It’s wrong to assume their lack of communication is a silent signal that they’ve ‘chosen a side.’
And, most importantly…
I also own a fucking iPhone that sends a text in five seconds flat.
So, this is MY issue to either sit and sulk about, or, ya know, proactively open dialogue about.
I’ve moved past that phase now, but I felt it was important to talk about with Joe on the show because, logical or not, it’s something that comes up for men during divorce.
So, if we all make a similar pact with ourselves, to not just ‘think of’ someone, but to actually spend five seconds letting them know we’re thinking of them… the amount of good that springs from it could be life changing.
I’ve been doing this, and, as anticipated, the result is a mixed bag. However, when you show up at random for someone who happens to really need it at the moment. Man… it truly is divine.
Give it a try.
Rooting for you, always.
Kev
P.S. In Episode 16, we also explore The Shadow” — what it truly means.
When Carl Jung spoke of The Shadow, he wasn’t talking about evil. He meant the parts of you that got pushed into the basement because someone—family, culture, church, school—decided they weren’t acceptable.
It’s a hardy look into an often misunderstood aspect of our psyche.
Dive in.